| Just alive |
[15 May 2003|04:46pm] |
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mood |
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 tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
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50 Cent - In Da Club (yeah, I know...) |
] |
Being jobless blows. I come back from Virginia Beach, and I'm broke and life sucks. Things with Joe were so weird for a while, but it's pretty cool now, I guess. I'm just fucked when it comes to finding a date to the prom.
Everyone in Rhode Island is all hyped up about the Krispy Kreme donut joint they put in on Jefferson Boulevard or whatever. It's a damned donut shop, but people are lined up like it's gold or something. In the words of Lauren: "Fatties!"
Everyone is going to see the Matrix tonight. And no one thought to ask me or pick me up a ticket. No one else really gives a damn, except for Tristan, and she's pretty pissed off about it. She and I are attached at the hip, and Joel gives us hell if he sees us separately.
Nick was also supposed to ask Tristan out today. I hope that went well.
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| The great return |
[28 Apr 2003|05:08pm] |
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mood |
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tired |
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music |
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Incubus - Blood on the Ground |
] |
I got home around one-thirty this morning. The busses were supposed to be at the school at nine-thirty the night before. Needles to say I didn't go to school today. My mother didn't wake me up until one this afternoon. I didn't have near as much fun this year as I did last year. Jen was being really bitchy, and I hardly spent any time with Joe; and he was acting really weird. I guess I probably let a lot of stupid things get to me as far as that goes. I'm still unsure about telling him how I feel. The last thing I want to do is ruin the friendship. But it was kind of painful to be on the outside as he was excluding me, whether he did it on purpose or not. I don't think he's a total heel, but when I get ignored for Amie and her crew, I get sore about it. I'm a pretty jealous person as it is. I did spend some time him, but it was under the same circumstances as always; he only talks to me when we're both alone. And sure, I suppose it can be seen as cute, but it seems to me that I'm not good enough to associate with in public, around people.
I missed Tristan's birthday on Friday. I felt awful because I promised I'd call her, but I didn't get the chance to, with the competition and all. I did buy her birthday present on Friday morning, at the Sanrio store in the McArthur Center. I really wish she could have come with us, then there would have been one of my real friends on the trip.
Shawn and Joel are absolute idiots. They drove all the way up to Williamsburg to come to Busch Gardens with us. I told them more than once how stupid they were, but Joel made it like I was ungrateful, because he "drove five-hundred-and fifty-five miles to see his friends." But in reality, they came because they couldn't bear to be without their girlfriends for four days.
I didn't like Busch Gardens the first time I went, and I didn't like it the second time. I hate amusement parks. But I should shut up and stop complaining.
Ranking: Chorale - First Place, Chorus - Second Place, Jazz Choir - First Place, Concert Band - Second Place, Jazz Band - Third Place.
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| Anything you want, look no more |
[21 Apr 2003|06:23pm] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Rufio - She Cries |
] |
Do I tell him? Do I not tell him? Do I even want to tell him, because after I do, I'll realize that I was really full of shit? This has got to be one of the most confusing situations that I've gotten into. I hate not knowing how I feel, or what decision to make. I wish I didn't always have to be the one to make the final vote in said decision. First him, and now this. Solve yourself, damn it.
I only have one heart.
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| I'm going to hell... |
[17 Apr 2003|11:07pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 lonely |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Josh Groban - Un Amore Per Sempre |
] |
Today I did absolutely nothing. I got up at noon, and cleaned my room. I just finished about an hour ago. I should never just throw stuff in my walk-in closet. When I emptied it, it looked like it barfed all over my bedroom. How attractive.
I called the Coffee Grinder today, but the owner won't be in until Saturday. Then I called Jen up, and as expected, she accused me of spending too much time with Joe, and of taking speed. And this girl considers me to be her best friend? There's nothing going on between me and Joe, and Stacker II is not speed. As if any of it was her business, anyway.
Tomorrow I'm doing that office work for Cheryl, and then I have to pick up my last check on Pittman Street. I hope I get paid for those fifteen vacation hours. It would help out a bit.
I'm getting picked up at eight-fifteen tomorrow morning. I really wish my dad would hurry up in the shower.
I miss you.
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| I want to watch you dream some more |
[17 Apr 2003|12:11am] |
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mood |
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sad |
] |
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music |
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Yellowcard - October Nights |
] |
Why does American Eagle have huge sales, and get in cute new clothes in when I have no job? Life is not fair.
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| Solitary girl, I have been, living in a cell made of skin |
[16 Apr 2003|10:09pm] |
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mood |
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 anxious |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Chris Issack - Baby Did a Bad, Bad Thing |
] |
I'll be doing some temporary desk work for Cheryl on Friday morning. It's easy money; stuffing envelopes and typing labels. I can dress casually, bring my own music, and I'll be in a room by myself. It's from eight-thirty 'til sometime around noon. And I can buy some stuff before I go to Virginia Beach next weekend.
I colored Joel's hair last night. It was supposed to be red, but it didn't take, so it's sort of peachy looking and I have to do it again later this week. Jenn's suprise party was tonight. I helped Tristan set up, but I came home around sevenish. I had a headache, and didn't feel too great. Nicole accidentally decked me across the face. She broke my glasses, and was the main source of my headache.
I don't know what the deal is for the next few days. I'd like to go out and make the rest of my break worthwile. Even if it was just stupid crazy stuff, it'd be better than nothing.
Make my dreams reality.
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| There must be a guy in there, giving free head |
[15 Apr 2003|12:46am] |
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mood |
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tired |
] |
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music |
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Brewer and Shipley - One Toke Over the Line |
] |
I just got home from the Hot Hot Heat show. It rocked my face off. I saw Kim and Alyssa and Sheila there with some guy Nick that I didn't know. Kim is hysterical, I really wish I got to hang out with her more outside of school. There were these masses of freakishly dressed girls making their way into the bathroom every two minutes. Mike and I concluded they were sniffing the cocaine. Kim's conclusion? "There must be some guy in there, giving free head or something."
The first band, Champange Iced or something to that effect, were really terrible. The French Kicks were pretty good, although I was dissapointed that no one made a comment about having to call them the Freedom Kicks. Hot Hot Heat was rad, just as I assumed.
I'm wicked tired, and waiting for my dad to get out of the shower. I have to be at school for eight-thirty for a rehearsal. How unbearable.
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| Knock nine down and leave one in the hole |
[11 Apr 2003|09:05pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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crappy |
] |
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music |
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Old 97's - Rollerskate Skinny |
] |
Well, I got fired from Sally's today. I had a rehearsal, and it was mandatory, so I got fired for taking the time away from work. I have scholastic priorities, and they take top over work. I'll still go in and shop; I'm still friends with Jackie, but I guess it was for the better because I wanted to quit anyway. On the bright side, I do have the weekend, and my spring break off.
I'm going to that family party Sunday, and Joe C. is coming with me. I have to call him up to give him directions, but he's closing at work tonight. I think I'm going to call Tristan soon and see if she wants to stay over after she gets out of work, if she doesn't have to work tomorrow morning.
I talked about Ryan with my therapist today. It proved to be interesting, but he doesn't think Ryan is a dick. And I think I see why. I ignored Ryan for quite some time, but he still always made that effort to talk to me, and he got over the age thing pretty quickly and things went (sort of) back to normal. I didn't mention the fact that I only see him at work, but I usually leave that part out.
I hope something eventful happens over break
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| The constants aren't so constant anymore |
[08 Apr 2003|07:34pm] |
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mood |
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cold |
] |
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music |
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Nine Inch Nails - Deep |
] |
Sometimes I don't know who I hate more; him or me. He does this every time I see him. And I fall for him all over, each time, even when I think I'm starting to get over him. He breaks my heart, and I keep going back. I wish he could just see. Or I wish we weren't connected by millions of things. It makes it so much harder. And I still think he might be the boy of my dreams. It wouldn't have gone on for this long if he wasn't, would it?
I think my friendship with Tristan is starting to irritate Jenn again. I can see it in her face. She never cared about me and the way I felt before, but now it's like I actually matter to her. And I hate that.
I almost got fired from work on Saturday. And then I almost quit. And I can almost guaruntee that I'll get fired tomorrow when I go in and ask for days off during the next few weeks. Ann really hates me, and I think she'll get a kick out of firing me. But I'll quit before she has the chance. Hopefully I can get a better job at the Coffee Grinder, or the Gym, or at the library. Something has to go right for me.
Ryan, stop pulling my heartstrings.
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| This is the way we communicate in the dark |
[02 Apr 2003|08:21pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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groggy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Conor Oberst - To A Closet |
] |
I'm sniffly as all hell. Yuck. I watched My Big Fat Greek Wedding last night, and I almost died. That has got to be the funniest movie I've seen in ages. Poor Joel called me up to talk about something serious, and I was laughing so much I had to let him go. I felt bad, because he really did need to talk. I think we're going to go see the play tomorrow night. I know I am, and I think he's going the same night.
Joe G. picked me up at three past seven this morning. I haven't been out of the house that early in eons. It was really weird, seeing as I didn't get that much sleep, but I made it through the day. I felt yucky, but I wasn't about to attempt relieving tension in front of an entire class.
Today was totally boring. I even got sent home from work. Less pay, more time to live. Whatever works. I'm off to soak in the bath.
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| Life is a joke |
[01 Apr 2003|08:35pm] |
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mood |
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sick |
] |
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music |
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Ram Jam - Black Betty |
] |
April Fools Day. What a stupid holiday. Right up there with Valentines, only with whopee cushions instead of roses and carnations. I woke up at twelve-thirty with a horrendous sinus infection and tension headache. Every half an hour from then until a quarter to six, I was blowing my nose and trying to break the tension in my head. My throat was chapped and I felt like shit. I got into a huge fight with my parents and waited for Joe G. to pick me up, but he was late and never came, so my dad had to drop me off.
I had music practicum first period. It was pretty rad; a really attractive, fairly young guy taught part of the class. Caitlin and I had a few good laughs and such, until another person made me play a rhythm instrument. I have no rhythm, especially not at seven-forty-five in the morning, with a sinus infection and someone telling me to beat out eighth notes. Gym class wasn't much better. I just basically sat on the floor while Sarah did her physical therapy excercises and chatted with Nicole and wallowed in the fact that I couldn't breathe.
Today was Jenn's birthday. I bought her present yesterday afternoon when I went out with Joe C., but I forgot it because I was in a rush this morning. I told her I would give it to her after chorale, but Joe G. was going to bring me home instead, because it was on his way home. So Jenn came up to me and was like "Do you need a ride? Because I want to pick up my birthday present." I found that to be extremely rude. I told her Joe needed to stop by my house and that I hadn't wrapped it. Later on, she was online and I asked her for Joel's phone humber and she gave me some wicked attitude. I'm sorry I didn't bow to her on her birthday. Joel called me up from her house; he stopped by because it was her birthday. He said he was going to call or stop by around ten because he wanted to talk to me. If he stops by, I hope he doesn't care that I'll be in my PJ's. I'm already totally exhausted, I hope I'm awake when he comes over.
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| It seems worth the wait to see you smile again |
[31 Mar 2003|09:54pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Hot Hot Heat - Bandages |
] |
My hairdressers's appointment got cancelled for tonight. A friend of her's died and she had to go to a wake. It sucks, though, because my hair is getting long and I'm running out of salon wax. I have to wait until next Monday. I went out with Joe C. this afternoon; I got out of work at three-thirty. We went to someplace in Smithfield where his aunt works and then to the mall.
Today was my mom's fiftieth birthday. I just got back from going to dinner with her and my dad, and to Barnes and Noble. I guess I really wanted to see Ryan, but he wasn't on. I haven't seen him in a good month or so and it's killing me. I know he's probably no good for me; he's got a (former ex) girlfriend with the same name as me, who cheated on him eons ago with a guy I know (and he doesn't know about it), but I can't really help it. Too much has happened in the last nine months for it to not mean anything. We have too much in common and have shared too many laughs, even though it sometimes seems pointless. I'm not exclusive to him; I really can't be, but my feelings for him are sometimes too strong to bear; I hate it. I can't see myself initiating anything with anybody other than him. It's gotten to be really disgusting.
I might hang out with Joel after voice tomorrow. There was some stuff he wanted to talk about, so it'll be rad is he stops by after.
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| Sometime I'd like to kiss you goodnight |
[30 Mar 2003|08:12pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Death Cab for Cutie - Photobooth |
] |
My mom's birthday is tomorrow. I guess I went a bit overboard this year, but it's the big 5-0. I won't really see her tomorrow, so I'm going to give it to her tonight. I had lunch with my aunt, Memere, and cousin Mike this afternoon, and caught the tail-end of Star Wars, Episode II. It made no sense to me; I missed so much that I didn't know what the hell was going on.
I have to work tomorrow, as usual, but Monday's aren't too bad. Ann isn't in, and Ross doesn't really care what you do as long as you're doing something. I haven't really gotten along with Ann since Bill got transferred. I guess she's bitter because Billy-boy isn't around to do her paperwork anymore. Tuesday I have the college-taught class for music. I'm pretty psyched; I havne't had it in almost two weeks.
There's only a little more than three weeks until the trip to Virginia Beach. Crunch time!
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